selfish internals of a teenager

i dont really know how to say it


i feel like the life's draining out of me

i feel like theres no point in anything

i want to care for people, but i dont know how

how do i get in touch with them to care for them

how do i know when they need caring for

how am i supposed to achieve anything in this world

i dont know what to do

i thought i did... now im not so sure

was what i was doing right?

dad said to do what i wanted

but i feel like trying new things i might want

is just leaving all the things i used to like behind

am i just moving forwards?

or am i just changing direction

i dont want to lose anything

but how can i gain without losing?

how can i have everything

i want people to like me

i want people to see whats inside

but i dont know how to show it

i get embarrassed

i want to be a caring person

i feel that i am inside

but is it worth nothing if i cant show it?

can i get over this embarrassment and simple be me?

im not sure if i can

or if thats really me

am i deluding myself?

am i really not that person i thought i was?

who am i?

how will i know when im being me?

how will i know when im on the right path?

is there a path for me?

is there really a place in this world where i can truely belong?

will i ever find it?

i want the confidence to be the me thats in my head

i will try

but i just dont know anymore

im 18 and i've hit another brick wall

nothing i do is making any difference

im no closer to my goals

all im doing is wasting time doing useless things

i get social skills out of it but nothing that seems real

cant i just have one opportunity hit me?

just so i know where i am

just a sign

anything